This is a pattern for me that started decades ago. I met Dan Hill back stage at the National Arts Centre when I was thirteen years old. I was in love with Dan Hill as only a pubescent young girl could be. He sang beautiful songs with incredibly heart-aching lyrics. I'm a Romantic Enneagram Four; he couldn't miss. I brought a long-stemmed red rose to the concert and sat in the second row of the Opera House. After the show, my Mom took me and my sisters to the side door to see if there was any way I could give him his rose. (I would have never done this on my own.) The security guard generously let us in and we were led back to Dan Hill's dressing room with a few other back stage groupies who had gathered near the young girl with the rose. He came out wearing a green t- shirt and blue jeans. I stood there not saying a word. One of my sisters said, "She loves you and has all your records and sings all your songs. Joanne. Joanne. Say something!" I stood still and mute. Frozen. He asked, "Is that rose for me?" I stuck out my arm stiffly and he took the red bloom from my hand. He stuck it in the front pocket of his jeans. "Did you like the show?" he asked. I nodded.

There was a woman standing behind me from a town nearby, Pembroke, I think. She had a camera and asked if I would like a picture taken of Dan and me. I was thrilled and so I nodded silently. He stood next to me and put his arm around my waist softly whispering, "It's okay. I won't bite." Our picture was taken. The very kind woman asked Mom for our address saying that she would be happy to mail the picture to me. She did. I still have it. I am positively beaming in that photo. Grinning into the silence next to Dan Hill with a red rose in his pocket.

I have been that way with most artists whose paths have crossed mine. I back away. I get really shy. I am always encouraged by friends and family: Go say "Hi" to them. I never do. Frozen in my admiration for them, I lose connection with connecting.

I remember a quote that I read some time ago that went something like this: "When you are near someone who you are in awe of, be gentle with yourself. When you are near someone who is in awe of you, be gentle with them."

I try to live that way now. More gentle with me when overwhelmed, fatigued, awed, or intimidated. More gentle with others who look at me with admiring eyes. I understand.